Life of a Choc Toffee

All I want for Xmas is You...

2011-12-21T07:35:00.000+08:00

love the catchy little tune.

as if it's saying, 'buy me... buy me...'

stolen pound of flesh - real life. and a countdown

2011-12-15T08:15:00.000+08:00

last year i was doing something that i like doing. not so much the nature of work, but because i was working by myself, guiding and helping people. minimal supervision from the idiot boss. most importantly i did an excellent job and was well commended for it.

due to the hiring freeze this year, he moved me into a team full of clericals who are basically furnitures at the bank, to increase my knowledge. but i hated every minute of it. i hated the bureaucracy and deadlines and i felt that my opinions were not counted as all that needs to be said are all there in the guidebook. idiot boss' noble idea was to increase visibility of the team by having me in it which is such a crap notion. at the same time, a clerk came in to take over my role. whom i had to monitor and noticed that people were unhappy with the new turnaround time. what an insult to me and my work ethics.

so when i got back to the office after the exam, the boss called me for a private chat. seemed that there were some complaints about my work from the clericals while i was away.

ok.

so he thought he had an excuse to go back on his words about the promotion he'd been banging about up until 3Q. so i asked him whether he knew on what basis that the complaints was made and whether its fair to judge my whole year effort based on hearsays, for which i wasn't even there to defend myself. so he turned the other way and said that i havent made myself visible enough. so of course that just begged a verbal slap from me. my role has nothing to do with visibility. as long as i do my work, everyone is happy. visibility in my role meant that something would have gone wrong. so i concluded that is it just a popularity contest and nothing to do with whether im effective as a team player. so he reluctantly agreed. weak-ass had no real basis to even call me in that room that day.

so anyways, because of this little drama, he's sending me back to my old role and told me to clean up the mess left by the clerk and then maybe ill get promoted next year. pounds of flesh.

truth of the matter is, im putting too much effort in crap i cant be arsed to do, and in a place i rather not be in. but that does not mean that i took quality and common sense out of the equation. the whole year has been about fighting with the non degree holders who have been given a bit too much authority for them to handle, fighting with the sales people and higher ups who have never worked else where and most importantly fighting with myself about staying on.

i've been standing in front of the mirror, steve, asking myself whether i would want to do what i do for the rest of my life. for months, the answer has been a big resounding NO.

Giving myself four months to clear my name and leave.

coughs and sniffles

2011-12-09T23:09:00.001+08:00

3 weeks away from the office has made me a crazy woman. alas my plan to spend the last week at the gym and being out and about had been replaced by the need to be on twitter and facebook all day long. and watching the Harry Potter movies. all 8 of them.

the cfa exam hall was a hotbed of disgusting variety of mucus activities, silence were broken by constant sniffles and coughing. this poor soul has just recovered from the colds the week before, and this week is another battlefield for the germs on my weak body.

what to do next?

2011-12-05T09:36:00.000+08:00

now that the CFA exam is over, i feel so relieved. am tempted to go into the details of the questions, but am bound by a non disclosure agreement. its the easiest thing in the world - if you studied - is all i can say. the minimum passing mark is what's keeping most of the candidates from passing the exam. explanation about that here.

so relieved that i dont have to look at books anymore, at least until feb next year. if i fail, i do want to resit the exam. if i pass, god willing, i will be registering for the level 2 june 2012 paper.

anyways, so relieved, for now. so much that i haven't gotten the ball rolling on the the postgraduate study application for next year intake. a very fruitful meeting with the future supervisor had gained me some confidence about going into research study. and a verbal ok from him to proceed to apply at the phd level had left me so excited that i couldnt concentrate on the mugging for the first week. three years abroad, away from the hustle and bustle of the city, away from the people.

heaven.

Purple gherkin

2011-11-04T10:19:00.000+08:00

Am wishing for a miracle to happen. A life long wish to live abroad might come true by 2H12.

Memories that popped up were not that of sophistication and allure. All i could think of is the purple gherkin, a place of wonder and amazement. Of its fish clocks, lava lamps and raining windows, all yours for gbp50 or below each.

wise words. steve job - rest in peace

2011-10-19T19:48:00.000+08:00

"you’ve got to find what you love. and that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. and the only way to do great work, is to love what you do. if you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. don’t settle. as with all the matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. and like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on"

"for the past 33 years, i have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "if today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" and whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something."

Steve Jobs -

stolen pound of flesh, explained

2011-09-19T12:13:00.001+08:00

'... That was it. At the time i did not fully appreciate the unusual generosity of Colin's gesture in giving me an offer in this way. Later i would learn investment banks and investment bankers rarely offer anything without asking for something in return...

..And at every step along the way in one's banking career, with each bonus or promotion, there is an expectation of some explicit act of fealty to the institution as a whole or the individual actually delivering whatever benefit is being bestowed. Although you may think you actually earned it, there seems to be an irresistable urge by the bank to take one more pound of flesh. Maybe it's just the nature of the business - everything in banking is, after all, a negotiation.'

excerpt from the accidental investment banker by jonathan a. knee.

bravo for summing up the life of a banker.

spring cleaning

2011-08-14T17:42:00.000+08:00

was reading the old posts which were written during my early days as a working member of the society.

Oh my days, how self absorbed was i? cringe-fest. all those newbies at the office, basking in idealism and distaste for the seemingly old fashion processes at work - i was one of them. quickly deleted the most cringeworthy.

deleted!

Testing

2011-08-14T17:28:00.000+08:00

via mobile :)

intro to bill bryson

2011-08-14T12:07:00.002+08:00

so in between reading for the exam, immersed myself into the world of bill bryson. oh how that man makes me laugh.

first book i had read was a short history of nearly everything - it was informative but most importantly hilarious (as im a fickle reader). he is such an engaging writer. absolutely refused to see mr bryson as an american as he has that dry british humour which i absolutely adore - reminds me of my childhood, sitting in history class, listening to the teacher talking about henry viii and 16th century britain and how i chuckled and laughed because he was so funny. doing that with the tone of, which i imagine to be, jeremy clarkson doing one of his reviews on automobiles.

down under sees mr bryson travelling around the main cities of australia - the whole book is a record of his wanderings. curiousity is an attribute which i love to see in people, and he brings it to perfection. what's life if you're not there to experience its nooks and crannies? another trait that i find so endearing is the self deprecatory manner in which he depicts himself that only the brits seemed to be able to carry well - as evidenced in this excerpt at the beginning of the book.

"I am not, I regret to say, a discreet and fetching sleeper. Most people when they nod off look as if they could do with a blanket; I look as if I could do with medical attention. I sleep as if injected with a powerful experimental muscle relaxant. My legs fall open in a grotesque come-hither manner; my knuckles brush the floor. Whatever is inside--tongue, uvula, moist bubbles of intestinal air--decides to leak out. From time to time, like one of those nodding-duck toys, my head tips forward to empty a quart or so of viscous drool onto my lap, then falls back to begin loading again with a noise like a toilet cistern filling. And I snore, hugely and helplessly, like a cartoon character, with rubbery flapping lips and prolonged steam-valve exhalations. For long periods I grow unnaturally still, in a way that inclines onlookers to exchange glances and lean forward in concern, then dramatically I stiffen and, after a tantalizing pause, begin to bounce and jostle in a series of whole-body spasms of the sort that bring to mind an electric chair when the switch is thrown. Then I shriek once or twice in a piercing and effeminate manner and wake up to find that all motion with five hundred feet has stopped and all children under eight are clutching their mother's hems. It is a terrible burden to bear."

i've always wanted to go to brisbane and melbourne - and needless to say, the urge to go is stronger than ever.

hey... this is my first posting on books. i love books, buying books, reading books, buying more books even though there would be 10 new books on the library which i havent the time to read. :)

study regime

2011-08-13T00:21:00.002+08:00

i have no life and it has only been a week since i got the books. save for a couple of iftar sessions.

five years have passed since i last touched a book for the sake of my brain and initially i can feel the rusty wheels cranking but eventually it got easier and i breezed through the first session. managed to get about three hours of reading and revising a day, more in the weekends. i pray that ill get through this ok.

there is no better way to start a habit than during ramadhan.

note to self: must stop reading forums lest i'd pressure myself more and concentrate on the subjects less.

cfa

2011-08-05T23:11:00.010+08:00

finally registered for cfa level 1 this coming December. Downloading the e-books was a pain in the ass - took me the same number of days to download as the delivery of the actual books. luckily the books arrived 6 days after the registration and im absolutely stoked!

salam lebaran

2010-09-10T23:01:00.003+08:00

had the best eid in the city- mum cooked mihun sup, nasi himpit, kuah kacang and her famous chicken rendang - slurrrrrpp!

Eid Mubarak and Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir dan Batin

closer and closer to the end...

2010-09-07T22:53:00.001+08:00

just got home from an iftar - a hotel buffet for buka puasa is never a good idea. the lovely spread consisting soups, grilled meats, veggies, fruits and desserts was irresistible after a whole day of fasting and dealing with ingrates. an assault to the stomach, i rushed for the loo the moment we got home :)) but am thankful regardless for the host who treated the whole family to the food and twenty-something me was even handed a Raya packet with a certain purple note. *so chuffed as i hardly get it and do not expect any to begin with - so there goes my motto - to have low expectations of others so that when you actually get something you want, you'd be so grateful*

no grand plans to celebrate this raya , just a simple home cooked meal to be shared among the family (perhaps mee sup, or laksa! yum yum), and whoever gracious enough to visit our humble abode. besides, i have yet to decide how the wedding dais and lovebed would look like, where to have the official outdoor photo session and mum wanted me to help look for good doorgifts.

raya is definitely for the kids. we used to go back to the kampongs for raya, to visit the grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins. but grandparents passed on, aunties and uncles got older and more tired, and cousins have their own kids. this year is the 2nd year that we are spending raya in the city.

simple appreciation that comes with fridays

2010-09-03T01:16:00.001+08:00

just got back from a long chat session with mirror while sipping coffee and watching the Friday night unraveled. what a nice night, it was cool and airy. i love 3Q of every year. *4Q is even better of course*

was discussing the progress of our lives so far. dissecting and analysing over what we've achieved, what we've learnt and the interesting characters we meet in our line of work. of course, "interesting" ppl is hard to come by when you're in your second year at the same place and if you get bored easily as i tend to become after a while.

i've been finding myself in a black hole which i am unable to escape from. nostalgia for university life. check. insecurity regarding present accomplishments. check. tendency to hold stronger opinions. check. a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than oneself. check check. courtesy of wikipedia, i now am going through quarter life crisis.

reality check, i am grateful that i have a job albeit not something i'd want to do for the rest of my life. who has a permanent job these days? who knew what their dream jobs would be when they're in their twenties anyways? a job is something you sacrifice your time over in return for good food, books, facials and travels - definite staples.

thankfully every thing else in my life is on the right track. despite being disapproving of the way my career has led me into, parents are generally very trusting of my choices and decisions, the sibs are happy and thriving, im surrounded with good friends - very small circle, but fulfilling. lovelife is progressing well, g.uy is just a darling. my life is pretty simple and i work hard at keeping it that way.

ramadhan 2010

2010-08-19T21:29:00.005+08:00

its been awhile since i've last written, i realise.

many events and happenings came and went. 2009 was abound with uncertainties that came with the global financial crisis. and all were tensed and edgy, working on limited resources. with uncertainty though, came excitement, new adventures and responsibilities. i learnt a lot.

this year is a marked difference than the last. a segment-wide restructuring exercise had brought in more staff and resulted in better work environment. despite realising the work life balance i was pining for, work has became a bore and i find myself a restless soul. its another time to move on. being an army brat accustomed to moving schools ever so often, i am unable to bring myself to root at one place now that im working.

parents are concerned of my fledgling career, with no stability (ie: keeping a permanent job) in sight. its time for you to settle down, they say. but i have not yet find my life calling.

but i find myself in this holy month, hope. hope that somehow i'll survive this world. pending wedding at the end of the year, the quietness at work is compensated with time and thought consuming task of planning for the big day. with this marriage, i hope to find further independence and liberation to finally able to dictate my own life.

Final Farewell

2009-06-15T22:48:00.003+08:00

He was born to a Pattani knowledge seeker and his young bride from the north in the 20s. or was it 30s. his exact birth date is indeterminate. as with many during the old days, his IC application was based on a guestimated d.o.b. to this day, he could've been 83, 80 or 76.

Still an infant, his father left to return to Pattani and never to return. his mother remarried and at 16, found himself a homeless young man, living in the thick of a rubber plantation in a lonely shack. a determined young man, he worked the rubber trees to earn a pittance. When he was old enough, he joined the army and was sent to s'pore for a 4 year stint. he came back at 24 to marry the sister in law of the rubber plantation owner and moved to Sg Tiang when FELDA opened the area for development in the 50s.

wan eventually had 5 children, all grew up in the FELDA. he was a god fearing man, known to the kampung as pak lah gunting the neigbourhood barber, and tirelessly took on homeless nieces and nephews whose parents couldnt afford to keep them. he was by no means rich, dad recalled one time when wan went to town to buy 5 sticks of satay for his 5 children as that was exactly how many he could afford at the time.

he was the greatest math teacher i ever had. despite his lack of formal education, wan was always instilling rational thinking and when he was younger, endless maths sums and puzzles for us small children to solve.

he left us on 11/6/09 at night.

there are so many things i wish i did more when he was alive. like, how i shouldve been more willing to call him, to be able to lift his spirits up when he was sick in the hospital. all i can do now is pray that he is happy and content wherever he is now.

beginning of a new cycle snigger

2009-04-21T18:02:00.004+08:00

ive finally took the v v small step towards my new year resolution (yes yes, new year was quite a while ago...)

managed to coax myself to get on the treadmill today. did 1km in 1o minutes without stitches, which is ok considering that i haven't ran since i was 14. turning a quarter of century soon is turning out to be a great motivator to keep in shape. well... this is my first day. but felt a lot better after the run.

am on yet another sick leave, this is twice since new year - wth - i used to be able to go through the year without being away from school/classes. lately been having blinding headaches, unsure whether its due to endless staring at the pc screen or general well being (that is to say, bad being?). am dreading a trip to the gp lest he would lecture about my recklessness. better get fitter before i go see him then.

update 21:26

too late.

gp gasped at my borderline high blood pressure.

told me to:

exercise
reduce salt intake
eat no beef
take no more coffee (that's a little extreme isnt it??)
get plenty of rest.

all in one breath, prescribed my medicine and she's done with me.

gulp.

a gym bunny that is me...

2009-04-16T18:00:00.001+08:00

i have been promising myself to go to gym since February but have yet to step foot in there. So i left work early (nb: on time...) yesterday in the intentions to get fit, to slim down, to be happier in general.

what a lovely day - sunny and windy - as i walk towards the car to pick up gym gear.

as i get into the car, i decided to change parking bay nearer to the exit so that i didnt have to walk so far when i get back.

as i drove around to find the coveted bay i began to re-think my choice of gym top.

it was a rather old tee.

so there i was driving around and around in the parking lot, and out of the parking lot and to the neighbourhood mall and decided that i would go to the gym tomorrow instead, better dressed.

procrastination abound.

today? being a fine day that it was, sunny and windy, i gathered enough motivation and strength and just when i stood up to leave the office, the boss called in to have our fortnightly talk about my performance.

gulp.

reminiscing

2009-04-15T21:53:00.003+08:00

today is the 1st year anniversary of my first resignation.

last friday i met up with agnes and the rest of the old gang of the old IB. barely a month after i left, agnes joined a japanese corp bank. a month after that, clark left for a singaporean bank. 2 months after that, his little gf joined agnes at the japanese bank.

over laksa and char keuh teow we retold war stories, us against the Man, laughed our arses off of the things we used to do. me bawling my eyes out after a fight with difficult client, going off to big ppl's meeting coz there wasn't anybody else more senior to attend desperate trying to catch and understand much as to not look like utter idiots, general rebelling since big responsibilities were piled on our poorly paid shoulders.

hmmm.. memories memories...

as much as things back then sucked, i didnt regret going through it. it was a wonderful place to learn, but unfortunately the opportunity to grow wasn't there. regardless, i'd like to collect more of these kind of experiences...

Bob Dylan - Mr. Tambourine Man

2009-04-15T21:27:00.001+08:00

absolutely love mr tambourine man...

Sale! Sale! Sale!

2009-04-15T21:23:00.003+08:00

to compensate for my lack of life these days, i went crazy over the endless warehouse sales god bless the global downturn. reckless spending on clothes and shoes, two of my biggest vices. i loooooovee shooooooesssss...

Anggun - Snow On The Sahara

2009-03-05T00:00:00.001+08:00

i looove Anggun

giving me a break

2009-03-02T21:54:00.003+08:00

busted my back fixing up the house, had to go on medical leave. shucks.

practically bed ridden until about noon, when i was well enough to get up. while i was indisposed, i stalked the friends who were facebooking at work, catch up some news and bugged anyone on YM.

met up online with a very old friend whom i last saw when i was 10 and it got me thinking - why do guys - usually barely known to you - would spill out their troubles and problems to practical strangers?

does it make us like them better?

do they want to start relationships based on pity?

he started about his mum who, after losing her husband, went through a deep depression which resulted in her being sacked. he, after finishing high school, had to carry the burden of keeping food on the table, supporting his younger siblings and mum and at the same time allowing his eldest sister to pursue her dream.

like hell.

if hes such a noble son, he wouldnt be complaining.

weaklings.

talking about weaklings, the doctor insist that i do some exercises to strengthen my back. maybe if everyone would get off my back about losing weight, maybe my back would heal faster?

happy valentine's day

2009-02-14T11:46:00.003+08:00

i gotta lose some weight pronto!!!

there are several must-attend weddings this year and ive been promising myself that I'd workout every other day. and be healthy. and eat healthy food. and generally living the healthy life.

since last year.

may is getting married to her long time bf in the month of may, nadine is getting married in june, heck even feeqs the oil boy are getting hitched to his new found gf! what a year it would be, with all the smug marrieds running all over the place. keep the parental pressure coming why dont we?

fitness regime? what a funny thing coming from me. ever since i started working at the bank, ive been eating with such vigour and zip, such reckless abandonment - im practically allowing the gym to carry out daylight robbery on me purse. alas your truly lumps together with the poor souls who pack up the kilos when stress lurks. 5kgs in eight months. that is 1 2 3 4 5. one point six pounds per month!

aarrrrrgh! i gotta lose weight!

status: pure relief

2009-02-01T20:01:00.003+08:00

the weekend had left me with a giant headache. no... i haven't been out drinking and partying as some of the people my ages are, im as dull as garden snails.

i was in the mood to shop, thus for the whole of the two days i was lurking around a few malls around the city to look for clothes and shoes. there went my new year resolution to stay out of credit card debt! the city-wide clearance sales didn't help me curb the spending either.

with g.uy in tow as my arm candy cum driver cum bodyguard, we scoured the shops for bargains. went into the hairdresser's for layers and came out with a bob *currently sporting the rocker chick look - and yes, with smoky eyes*. walked into a bookshop and nearly picked up a book (or ten) before i managed to summon all wills to put it back on the shelf. took almost whatever i fancied *thank god for the manly arms of g.uy which managed to remain intact under all that weight* i shopped till i dropped. literally.

there's a reason for this urge to splurge. i've been informed that i'm (unofficially) permanent in my current position yay!

Pussycat Dolls- Halo

2009-01-26T02:58:00.001+08:00

Year End Blues

2008-11-15T07:37:00.002+08:00

it's the time of the year again

where the work is getting slower

where colleagues are happier and in lighter moods

and where the only online surfing done is to plan holidays

yippee!

Off to the Holy Land

2008-11-07T00:03:00.001+08:00

parents have been preparing for the trip for weeks now. dad started going to the mosque for Subuh and mum became mellower than usual. and today's the day they'll be going off.

did not prepare to be so emotional, why - i've been living with them for so long that i've taken for granted that they'll always be there. how wrong was i. was on the verge of tears when mum and dad hugged me and remind me to take care of the kids.

F.R.I.D.A.Ys

2008-10-31T10:23:00.004+08:00

I'm down with the sniffles, the latest casualty in the flu-bug merry-go-round in the family..*sniff* Fridays are always rather slow, but the mornings are especially excruciating to go through, especially with the knowledge of what's coming up ahead..teehee...

Luckily today half of the office is gone, so the pace is slightly more relaxed than usual. They're off to some company trip which despite being one called as such, required the participants to pay for themselves, albeit at about a quarter of the normal price. But some still decry that as blaspehmy, since if anything a company trip should be sponsored fully by the management...aaah here comes the sneezing fit....*sneezes like no one's business*...aand the presenter is glancing my way, *grins sheepishly* Yes, yes, i'm being such a slacker, sneaking to write a post in the midst of a training. Terrible!

Oh well, it's not everyday that you get fridays without any of the bosses around. Bliss. And I'm sorely tempted to play that song by Muse now.

A meeting with the Tigress

2008-09-03T14:14:00.002+08:00

Any fanciful dreams of anarchy at the office are undergoing immediate review as of yesterday. Mind you, not that they’ll be on a permanent cyrogenic state any time soon. But seeing a hapless peacemaker willfully ignored and the others seemingly to have located the eye of the storm, it was quite an exhibition of sheer authority and pure iron will that could only have come out of years of hard-won tooth and nail battles. And as I was preparing to duck in anticipation of various flying debris, (fears which disappointingly proved unfounded) I didn’t know whether to feel sorry or laugh at the attempts of the party at the receiving end of the gale to even try anything other than complete and utter submission. *sniggers*

But the juxtaposition presented by what she could and can be at the same time is awe-inspiring. And I ended up with a piercing headache that lasted until bedtime.

Ouch!

2008-08-11T22:14:00.002+08:00

woke up with a super painful toothache that wouldn't go away until now.

went to work with absolute foul mood. a combo of screwed up new clerk, screwed up old clerk and just tons of work that's not even within my jobs cope to begin with, on top of the work im supposed to do - just totally fvkup my whole day.

as if that's not enough, the dentist gave me two option:

extraction; or
root canal

*cry cry*

less worry...

2008-07-31T22:58:00.002+08:00

i'm debt freeeeeeeeeeeee today ...... credit card that is. the study loan is another matter...

Back in Kay-Bee

2008-07-29T08:27:00.003+08:00

took a week off work, despite a few eyebrows being raised. how irresponsible...

g.uy's younger brother was getting married and since my big planned holiday to east m'sia had to be cancelled at the last minute, we decided to hop on a bus to the east coast to help out instead - g.uy to help with the butchering of cows and general cooking and me to be the official wedding photographer.

it was a very simple do, no one ran around screaming in distress as i'd imagine. god knows how many bags of akoks and durians i've indulged in front of the telly while everyone else worked on the food. to be fair, i had to baby sit *ugh* BUT it helped that the babies were cute and cooperative. i've also tried helping decorate the bedroom, but got shoo'ed away for asking too much questions.

mum warned that a lot of old makciks there would ask the when-is-your-turn question, as she knows how much i hate hearing it, but i guess they're so used to having me around, they forget that g.uy and me aren't married yet - one of the things i really like about his family, so humble and open and nice *everything which i'm not, but hey! opposites attract*

the whole affair went rather well, both families seemed comfortable with each other even though i sensed certain distaste from the bride's side - nouvo riche, enough said - but no silent eye-fights were visible, or that my head were so deep in gulai and spicy fried chicken to notice anything more.

Sunday

2008-06-29T08:30:00.004+08:00

found myself going to office on this cold and dreary day.

had to send mum to her classes, then i couldn't bring myself to drive home. payday just arrived and im supposed to stay at home and do nothing, all the while this great sale is going on?

dragged nadz to midvalley for proper shopping.kept finding myself standing hours on end in front of the wardrobe, trying to put together decent attire for work. to no avail. in desperate need of clothes.

yesterday we went to this wedding expo - took plenty of pics for future reference. bought baju raya, this batik thingy, for myself. but it ended up being mum's.

Note to self: on shopping trips with specific agendas, think about all stuff EXCEPT the planned buy. because, and this is proven many times, that you wont find whatever you're looking for. you'll find something else instead. that you'd spend ages trying to find when it'd be on the shopping list. get?

after all that shopping and driving around, i still wasnt in the mood to go home. was reminded that my car, yes the one that ive been driving around the whole day, had a busted muffler. had to outsource this problem. headed to the royal town after a few seconds deep thinking.

came home v late. what a day.

I Love Rock N' Roll

2008-05-17T14:53:00.001+08:00

rocked on to this since i was younger. too bad about the red suit...

shopping galore

2008-05-02T21:42:00.002+08:00

omgod am so tired.

the whole day was spent on getting miscellaneous stuff ready for the new job next week - picture taking, copying vital documents, clothes (my fave part *grins*).

maxed out my card.

hahahahaha*sob sob* hahahahaha...

Trip to the Pearl of the Orient

2008-04-30T08:45:00.010+08:00

as if to celebrate my occupational emancipation, the girls and i took a road trip up north to penang which opened the eyes to a couple of things:

penang is actually very beautiful - i just adore the colonial setup with that romantic and rustic feel, i love penang hill - the slow journey up on the funicular, the breathtaking view of the whole of georgetown down below, the quaint little tea terrace and quite walks;
quite useless to go without a guide to show you the best places to hang out, to eat *kapitan's cheese nan and tandoori rules!*, to shop for fake sunnies and bags at the batu feringghi sidewalk bazaar and nutmeg candies *yum!* at chowrasta market;
very useful to have a car - the cabbies do not use meters, gotta know how much charging before you even get in the taxi;

two nights is definitely NOT enough to explore the island.

this trip had changed my perception of penang forever.

a little distracted...

2008-04-29T22:52:00.001+08:00

a stupid bus driver stupidly drove his stupid bus with g.uy in it, into another stupid bus, injuring 7 and rendering one into a faint.

thankfully my love wasnt injured.

the disturbing thing, however, was that the first thing crossed my mind was whether my SLR which i lent him was ok.

but the good thing was that my second thought was that whether hes ok.

so there, bite me.

Exit Interview

2008-04-25T15:30:00.001+08:00

a little pointless asking the leaving staff's opinion on how to improve the department to better contribute to the bottom line of the company.

like, why would i bloody care? im leaving...

some ppl do things without brains one.

Final Days

2008-04-24T22:26:00.005+08:00

i thought i'd be so pleased and happy leaving the company.

but these last few days did not prepare me at all for the sadness and anguish of leaving close friends. even the boss, whom guts i absolutely hate, seem all lovable and cuddly.

Brain Picking

2008-04-23T22:31:00.003+08:00

this past week has left me drained.

morning and afternoon im made to sit and recall everything i can on all of my clients. a proper handover insisted by the new lady boss. something which was never afforded to us when our superior left and we basically had to carry the responsibilities of the department on our shoulders.

it really is time to move on.

can't wait for the week to end! my last week! finally...

Blue Tuesday

2008-04-22T22:41:00.005+08:00

Oh well, i guess it was inevitable...But falling flat on your face just when the climax is building is such a mood-killer. The expected crescendo never came, its promises rung hollow. I felt like a piece of a deflated balloon let flying aimlessly for no apparent reason. What a horrid day!

But then again life's too short to ponder on the 'what-ifs'. I suppose that it's better to screw up now than when you're out there in the field where as each day goes by, it feels more and more as though being a magician would have been better suited for the job.

leaving...

2008-04-15T20:49:00.003+08:00

tendered my resignation today.

informed the boss, who as expected, didn't feel there would be an impact on the business. which was to the contrary when i told the other unofficial boss, who freaked and practically went straight up the directors' floor, submitting a protest about me leaving without serving my notice period.

*rolling eyes up to high heaven*.

next thing i knew, query about satisfaction of current pay and offer of dream job were made. why would i want to work in some retail bank, they say in disgust, when i can be part of the prestigious brotherhood of investment bankers?

when all fail to make me change my mind, they point out that i should be thinking about leaving the company in good terms, seeing how small the financial industry is, and serve my notice period.

ugh. as if my 2 years of good conduct, blood, sweat and tears aren't enough to leave the company in peace.

this is a company which considers staff as liabilities for you.

Change is good... or so i keep telling myself...

2008-04-11T11:00:00.002+08:00

... finally the leading bank made an offer...

suddenly everything is going so fast. the future boss was eager (in fact, too eager) to get me in, even volunteered to buy my notice period to get me in quickly. made the hr ppl come down to answer all my queries. the LO was practically shoved in my face and was begging to be signed before i leave. thankfully i had enough strength to leave with the LO unmarked.

had to sleep on it. the offer is v tempting. however, it's a demotion from my current job. the head of hr is a bit of a bitch. actually, she's a lot of a bitch. the turnover is high. everyone i knew (well, two) only lasts six months max. there's that 2 year bond.

but the opportunities are just boundless, apparently - according to the future boss, and its something within the career path i had planned out since deciding to take up finance as a major. 2 year bond? it'll go at a blink of an eye, she says, excitedly.

and even if everything about the place sucks, one thing my mentor says that makes a twisted sense. even though the inside stinks, the name is still 'harum'. regardless of my scruples, most ppl are still superficial and shallow. its definitely a good stepping stone. who knows, i might stick around longer.

Guy got guts...

2008-03-31T22:11:00.002+08:00

Colbert roasts Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner 2006

another blissful week at work

2008-03-21T13:40:00.003+08:00

having one of those exciting week that makes me rethink about working elsewhere.

is it due to being a woman with crazy hormones? or it is the way of the world that you can't have a totally sucky life, the higher powers' way of showing they care?

Of Rachmaninov, Dowland and Handel

2008-03-17T13:59:00.003+08:00

Introspection abound lately, spent last night staring at the screen unable to move foward nor backward. Damn, just click a key.

I suppose when you're being serenaded by the arias and violin concertos, your mind tends to wander off a bit. Not a good thing when deadlines are coming at you full force.

Woke up this morning armed and ready with a cup of steaming black coffee. Go with the flow, like a friend suggested. Maybe i need the "chill pill" after all.

mighty hearty meal

2008-03-15T22:00:00.005+08:00

mirz treated us a nice gigantic meal celebrating her v generous bonus from the boss. im just pleased to be fed hehe.

even tho the whole of last week was spent eating non stop (g.uy's mum cook all the time. i mean, ALL THE TIME), my tummy bloated and nearly suffered heart burn! tummy large as it is, but it took quite a while to digest. i attribute this to my dwindling visits to the gym.

future mother in law

2008-03-10T11:56:00.004+08:00

g.uy's mother took a liking to me. he.. he..

accidentally called her 'ma' when kissing her goodbye. she gave me a tight hug.

mission: accomplished.

Election 2008

2008-03-08T11:34:00.007+08:00

kota jembal abuzzed with the campaigning crowds - blue and green flags everywhere. g.uy couldn't stop shouting the takbeer. outstationers coming in droves. slogan and banner wars between the parties

crazy election this time around ya.

despite the heat, the campaigns went very peacefully.

never expected top guns to fall so quick. think the ppl has had enough.

the kj win is a bit of a disappointment. rembau folks - good luck.

that aside, wished i had voted. huhu. bad enough they thought i was a phantom voter.

Riding in Cars with Boys

2008-03-06T23:15:00.002+08:00

remind me to bring ear mufflers (ok ok at least extra strength ear plugs) and extra thick blankets before i go into any night road trips with boys.

for some twisted reason, they feel that stopping to take a nap does not constitute to be manly - so they turn up the AC and radio so goddamned loudly to keep themselves awake. the woofer was behind the backseat. where i was. trying to sleep. for the whole 8 hours of the trip.

but admittedly, im beginning to like contemporary malay songs hehe. we had to listen to ONE cd on repeat the whole trip as the radio reception weren't so good. at the mo, totally in love with this song

Job Interview

2008-03-05T08:17:00.003+08:00

i felt so weird going today.

there's a pang of guilt about being disloyal (despite sh**ty fvks)

mmm... just to need break out of my comfort zone.

busy bees

2008-03-01T11:57:00.004+08:00

woke in the morning to discover that there in no one at home.

searched everywhere for everyone and none can be seen!

found out only later when i was reading the papers.

craving for this!

2008-02-24T08:52:00.005+08:00

oh dearie me...

2008-02-24T00:01:00.004+08:00

i've made plans to go back with g.uy to the polling station at his hometown on the east coast. taking a blissful half week leave, which has been approved by the boss - had already plan everything out in my mind.

bomb dropped. grandpa's coming to town. yes, the one with the endless lectures. last time he was visiting, i had to be the full-time domestic helper and cook for him three times a day, for a whole week. mm.. dilemma dilemma... shall i blow him off (citing youth fickleness as an excuse) or go for the short holiday with bf? hmm... tough call..

the wedding bells wont be ringing anytime soon yeah...

2008-02-23T23:36:00.006+08:00

told g.uy that i'll be saving up for the london trip next year, meaning that i'd have to put off saving up for wedding *shock horror*. he definitely wasn't pleased.

unfortunately, my dearest ain't too keen on waiting longer for the wedding since he's reaching the big three-oh next year. sigh... what's the rush?

a day in ib

2008-02-21T20:14:00.001+08:00

a certain forward banking bank sent a seething email to us claiming that we've stolen their client, and that the big-ass issuance recently was an injustice to their business.

ha.. ha.. ha.. never did i even stop to imagine that our small company could anger a giant in such a way. a bit childish i must admit - but apparently that's how the wonderful world of ib works... hm.. after reading liar's poker and traders, guns & money - maybe i shouldn't be surprised?

Simple pleasures

2008-02-19T18:32:00.006+08:00

got home tres early today, how nice is this? windy day, chirpy birds, bright shining sun - enough to warrant me sunnies.

me and agnes went out for yet another big ppl's meeting - and went straight home instead of going back to the office. It's not that we didn't bother to invite that good-for-nothing boss of ours - we did - but as usual he gave an apologetic lopsided smile and tried to justify his absence-to-be due to endless meetings (yeah right - his demeanor is widely known in the industry).

anyhoo, we're enjoying the last few weeks before all the fun things are taken out of our respective job scopes.

am so excited that im getting the extra hours to read up on the pile of new books purchased during the weekend. bliss...

by: former feminist turned lovey dovey softie

2008-02-17T16:48:00.006+08:00

went all the way to the royal town to fix my 6-year relationship with g.uy which was nearly ruined because of our jobs. we haven't seen each other for nearly two months and been sms-fighting for half of it.

in retrospective, i should've known he was feeling neglected (even though it was him who was too busy to see me) and just wanted my undivided attention.

poor baby.

tho i kinda miss sending super bitchy messages, purposely written to cause as much heart break as possible.

tough luck, til the next fight.

Shoes, glorious shoes

2008-02-17T00:22:00.008+08:00

spent the day out shopping with nadine.

been trying to find the perfect shoes for ages and ages and finally i found a pair of naturalizer wedges at the gardens. then i felt so satisfied and credit-rich that i dragged nadine to the bookshops and bought me a bagful of books.

bliss...

(ps: will take me a while to settle the mastercard bill - there goes my new year resolution to get myself out of debt down the drain)

Cousins

2008-02-03T22:49:00.001+08:00

abah's story is one of the many stories of a kampung boy who climbs out of the slums (ok, felda) and makes a name for himself. through sheer diligence, focus and respect for others, he works his way to the top of the army rank. he had been blessed along the way, but everyone knew he deserved every bit of it. now he is the utmost expert in his field (if i specify, i'd probably have to hunt you down and kill you). this basically means people would stand in awe but not understanding whatever he says.

we, his kids, have been groomed to think that there is absolutely nothing in the world that we cannot achieve and there should be no excuse not to strive for our level best. nor should we whine when things don't go our way.

this brings me to my dear felda cousins, who in spite of having an uncle who've achieved so much, cannot care to do the same to better their lives. they all have the same american dream, to be materially well-endowed, to buy that RXZ bike, to get the latest Nokia phones, to wear the Levis jeans, but let their predicament stop them achieving such things. 'hang boleh la dapat gheja besaq, abah hang pangkat besaq' they'd say to me. since when government servants can help you get jobs in investment banks?

the younger cousins saw themselves lucky as abah is in the position of power to determine who gets into the army, encouraged them to work in the army where as much as possible he'd try to help them get in. however none of them succeeded an entry so far and hold much grudge on abah. why did abah let certain boys (who's not even family) in the school, but not them?

who can blame him?

with bad results, bad health and not a hint of personality, not even the pm's son can get in. one cousin who thought the mentioning of abah's name and rank alone can guarantee a place in the military school, with no Cs (let alone As) in his PMR slip and being underweight, he was still surprised that he couldn't get in. they always thought that serving the army would be the last resort, when they couldn't get anything else. they seriously thought that an asthmatic who sucked at math and english can still be in the army.

pathetic.

Me?? Why Me?

2008-02-02T08:49:00.002+08:00

a close old friend, whom i haven't seen in seven years but has kept close internet contact with, has asked me to be her bridesmaid on her wedding day next year.

*shock horror*

*dashes to the gym*

May, ur funny u are, you havent seen me in seven years SEVEN YEARS and you just had to pull this one on me

Gong Xi Fa Chai

2008-02-01T08:43:00.000+08:00

Seasons Greetings!

the holiday spirit is once again shrouding the office, taking the focus away from actual work. chinese and non chinese alike are rejoicing the fact that we get so many days off. yay.

me like holidays... regardless of orange-bloated belly.

Reminder from Grandpa

2008-01-28T21:55:00.002+08:00

ever since the big windfall i just got (humour me lah, this is my v first bonus ever), everyone wants to get their grubby hands on my stash including my dear parents! to be fair, my dad just wants me to buy him lunch at the mamaks, but my mum wants me to help finance redecoration of her entire office!

at first, i was unreasonably bitter when suddenly i received a call from dear old Grandpa who reminded me that we should share all the good things God gave, so He'll give more later *head hangs low in shame*

sometimes, we just need to be reminded about the simple things.

(tho the fact that Grandpa came short of telling me that im a tight-arse did not pass me in vain. How can...)

World According to Abah

2008-01-27T21:37:00.001+08:00

the world is your oysters, he keeps telling me ever since i was v young.

he always believe that if you use your brains enough, then the world will work with you and good things will come in abundance. difficult things may come too, he says, but you'll be ready to take them head on. take a firm stand and never be a follower. god knows how many of those are running around all over the place.

i love you Abah. i can never repay what you gave us, but im going to try my best.

Down the Memory Lane

2008-01-20T10:00:00.002+08:00

Was going through the family old photo albums as i was hit with nostalgia. Old photos of me in the good old carefree days, no responsibilities, no bills to pay and definitely no money problem (hey abah, can u spare me a tenner?). How innocent were those days, but yet how selfish i seemed then as i glided through school and life.

I now despise kids like me, i thought, as i put the old pics on the scanner machine one by one, relishing the memories each picture brings.

Keeping Sane

2008-01-19T22:02:00.001+08:00

My mum till this day, could never understand why I join the gym when I could just give her the membership money as per my filial duty.

Granted, I only go twice a week to do enough work out to keep my body fit, and i mostly joined because of the steam room and sauna facilities. Alas... i'm the product of the consumer-driven society who's eager to to pay to get her little luxuries in life.

But ma, it actually does my body and mind good, im no longer getting pissed at every little things those incompetent ppl at work do wrong, and im definitely more patient and less high strung. ok that's a lie. but im not as easily provoked nowadays definitely. :-p

Bill Withers - Ain't No Sunshine

2008-01-18T22:06:00.002+08:00

Having a walk down the memory lane here. I don't remember what event had transpired, but I remember this song came and gave me a warm fuzzy feeling.

LRT in the morning

2008-01-08T22:50:00.002+08:00

There is a man who works with the Putra LRT who religiously maintains the queues at the station and generally herds the crowd around like cattle.

He would usually shout out commands for the crowds to keep behind the yellow lines, queue straight, walk properly, dont pick noses bla bla bla...

My favourite command of his would be that whenever he'd feel that it is his civic duties, he would remind the good people to mind their bags and don't be a victim to pickpockets.

"PERHATIAN YA! PERHATIAN! SILA AWASI BAG BAG ANDA YA! SILA DIINGATI ADA PENYELUK SAKU DIANTARA ANDA YA!

But it sounded more like this:

"PERHATIAN YA! PERHATIAN! SILA AWASI BAG BAG ANDA YA! If you don't, it's not my fault you didn't listen to me! SILA DIINGATI ADA PENYELUK SAKU DIANTARA ANDA YA! And it's probably you.

Invasion of Privacy

2008-01-06T22:49:00.000+08:00

My place of solace and peace has been tainted.

My venue of expression and keeping in touch with close friends is swarmed with colleagues and *shock horror* the Boss. Facebook will never be the same again.

New Year, New Beginnings

2007-12-31T23:22:00.000+08:00

New Year Resolution.

Quit goofing off and have some real fun.

What kinda fun?

It's for me to know and for you to find out.

*sniggers*

IBF

2007-12-29T23:29:00.003+08:00

Our beloved central bank has, on 21 December 2007, announced the issuance of RM50 notes to commemorate Malaysia's 5oth anniversary of independence, which sells at RM60 per piece?

Anything funny about this? No. No?

Islamic banking and finance students would be able to tell that a transaction that involves two of the same item (in terms of grade/type/kind) must always be equal. This is particularly relevant to the exchange of same currency where RM50 should be exchangeable into, what else, RM50 lah. There is definitely no iwad (equal counter value) that can justify the increase in value: there is no effort, risk-taking or liabilities that the bank undertakes in order to sell the new notes.

Eh, I thought we are trying to promote Malaysia as the Islamic banking and finance hub? Shouldn't we show the Arabs that we have good grasps of the concept before they can trust us to offer halal investment opportunities?

Even if I'm speaking through conventional perspective, isn't it unfair? Regardless of special packaging or not. Surely the special packaging doesn't cost RM10. Am I being too naive here? Is there something I'm missing? *scratches head*

Abandoned Tennis Racquet

2007-12-29T21:58:00.002+08:00

I love tennis. It's probably one of the earliest sports my father taught me to play as a child. It carried on until secondary school and university, always for the sheer fun of it, never to compete. Suddenly I graduated from uni and found myself with no court within the distance I am willing to drive to. I haven't hold a tennis racquet for nearly two years now. *sigh*

I've made a rather interesting discovery today.

It turns out that my neighbourhood, yes the one that I've been living in on and off for a total of eight years, has a tennis court. Furthermore, we even have a whole sport centre set up by the local council with a squash court and a gym. It takes about a minute to drive from home and it is nestled in the most lush cool surrounding with huge trees to give plenty of shades. *slaps forehead with back of hand*

But to be fair to myself, there is only one court for the whole neighbourhood and it is always occupied, so there, BITE ME.

It's the weekends

2007-12-28T22:40:00.001+08:00

FINALLY. FINALLY.

I am grateful for the job that I have, really I am, it's God given, He felt that it is the right thing for me at this point of time. And I will do my utmost best to show my gratitude.

He also gave a thing called year-end syndrome.

This week has gone extra slowly, bogged down with KIVs that should've been settled and filed away, waiting around for people to 'revert' back (dunno what's the fascination with the word, is it even correctly used???), and attending to incompetent lawyer wannabe mentees who question what you ask of them more than focusing on learning the job (are we running a daycare centre?).

*flailing arms to clear the negativity*

I will focus on enjoying this weekend to the max, by going out with my posies and have a long grunt session at the gym.

Coffee Nut

2007-12-27T22:27:00.001+08:00

I didn't use to love coffee as much as I do now.

Just a whiff of the potent liquid (aka Nescafe) in the morning would keep me wide awake until the next day. Coffee had never been my companion during my early university days - how I regretted my ignorance! To think of all those sleepy moments when a book was opened ready to be studied, was wasted on quick naps...

Friendship with several coffee addicts introduced me to now-familiar gourmet coffee establishments. I was suddenly overwhelmed by the various blends, how different degrees of roasting can make a whole lot of difference to the revered drink. The ambiance of home offered by the coffee joints completes the whole experience. Friendships strengthen, love flourishes, thanks to the good old extreme mocha frap and cafe latte.

But alas, a poor yuppie cannot afford such luxury often. Just walking past a coffee shop, to soak in the delicious aroma of arabica beans, is enough to make the day of this soul, sufficient to keep her awake until the next fix...